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100 of the funniest things we have read on a CV: Part 3

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cv-jrgensen-fraklip-fra-det-fjerne-front-cover-8866Here are those bonus 50 CV bloopers!  Remember that any spelling or grammatical mistakes have been left in intentionally.

I hope you enjoy reading them and Part 1 and the first 50 can be found here.

 

 

 

 

 

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101.  ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I was the very best at maths and reeding during primary school”

102.  HOBBIES – “Stuffing Owls.”

103.  DUTIES INCLUDED – “Pretending to be on the phone”

104.  DATE OF BIRTH – “26 Fab 196″

105.  SKILLS – “I am a prooficient typest”

106.  DUTIES INCLUDED – “I am responsible for information that I get off the sheets”

107.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “I am responsible for fraudulent claims.”

108.  DUTIES INCLUDED – “Resisting the desire to fold my arms.  Resisting the desire to yawn.  Resisting the desire to put either of my hands into either of my pockets”

109.  WORK HISTORY – “I am a pubic relations officer”

110.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “My experience is horticulture is well rooted”

11.  REFERENCES – “God”

112.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “Dealing with customers conflicts that arouse”

113.  EDUCATION – “I have a bacholorette degree in computers”

114.  REASON FOR LEAVING LAST JOB –  “The owner gave new meaning to the word ‘paranoia’.  I prefer to elaborate privately”

115.  DUTIES INCLUDED – “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer emails, take odors’”

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RSM Case Study CTA 2

 

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116.  PERSONAL PROFILE “I never take anything for granite”

117.  HOBBIES –  “I coached a female football team in Surrey and it was the best sex years of my life”

118.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “My work ethics are impeachable”

119.  SKILLS – “I have nervous of steel”

120.  HOBBIES “Here for a good time, not a long time”

121.  COVER LETTER – “I’m attacking my CV for your review”

122.  REASONS FOR LEAVING LAST JOB – “Maturity leave”

123.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing”

124.  COVER LETTER  “My dream job would be as a professional footballer, but since that aint gunna happen I’ll settle on working in c**p jobs for now”

125.  EXPERIENCE – “Provide excelent custer service”

126.  EXPERIENCE – “Resposiblities included checking customers out”

127.  KEYS SKILLS – “I am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut”

128.  JOB HISTORY – “Experienced in all faucets of accounting”

129.  HOBBIES – “Mushroom hunting”

130.  APPLICATION FORM – “Q, in which areas do you prefer to work?  A, Smoking”

131.  REFERENCES – “Please do not contact my managaer at the company.  My colleagues will give me a better reference”

132.  HOBBIES – “Avid collector of elephants (not full sized)”

133.  REFERENCES – “Don’t take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative and slave drivers”

134.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “Revolved customer problems and inquiries”

135.  SALARY EXPECTATIONS – “The higher the better!!!!!”

136.  JOB APPLICATION – “Q, How large was the company you worked for?  A, 4 floors”

137.  EMAIL ADDRESS – “Loopymutha@”

138.  WORK EXPERIENCE “Developed and recommended an annual operating expense fudget”

139.  CAREER OBJECTIVE “Long career on the supper highway”

140.  CAREER BACKGROUND – “28 dog years of work experience in HR (4 human)”

141.  EMERGENCY CONTACT NUMBER –  “999”

142.  HOBBIES –“Regularly attend my local gym and regularly enjoy to go to my local swimming poo”

143.  PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS – “Got married as a Klingon”

144.  EDUCATION “Curses in Art, curses in Computers and curses in Italian”

145.  REFERENCES – “None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me”

146.  SKILLS My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable”

147.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “My job was to pervert unauthorised people from coming onto site”

148.  NOTICE PERIOD – “Minimum two (1) months”

149.  COVER LETTER – “Enclosed is a ruff draft of my CV”

150.  HOBBIES – “Cryptozoology”

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Thanks for reading; I hope you found some of these examples entertaining.  If you require any help with your CV, you can download our guide to supercharging your CV here.   

Find a further 50 funniest things we’ve read on a CV in part 2 – here.


Category: 100 most ridiculous, CV, CV Funny

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1 Comment »
  1. avatar

    Very funny cant stop laughing

    Comment by Nazeem Kaliq — August 2, 2013 @ 1:20 pm

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