100 of the funniest things we have read on a CV: Part 1

100 funniest things in a CVAs you can imagine, here at Response we have seen thousands upon thousands of CVs over the years.  On the whole, most CVs are well laid out and give us enough information to decide whether that person is suitable for a role or not.

However, you can always hear a chuckle when a consultant opens a CV which contains something out of the ordinary.

From an amusing email address to ridiculous hobbies, we have compiled a list of our favourite 100 things from CVs that have made us chuckle over the past 10 years.

We have detailed the section of the CV and what people have written below.   As these are real life examples we have hidden the names to protect the innocent and the spelling mistakes have all been left in, so don’t blame us!

Part 1 and the first 50 are below, part 2 can be found here.

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1.  ACHIEVEMENTS  – “I came first in the school long distance race”

2.  HOBBIES – “Horse rideing,like going pub when havent got my kids.looking after kids and doing stuff with them when they anit at school.”

3.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Lazysod@……

4.  ACHIEVEMENTS – “Being sober”

5.  ABOUT ME – “My favourite colour is Toupe, cos it rhymes with Dope”

6.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “It was hard work”

7.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I be no stranger to double-entry. I loves numbers, and my wife and I loves journals and ledgers! Can also do tricky sums when I puts my mind to it. Computor litrate.”

8.  COVERING LETTER – “This is my CV I am intrested in any job opening use have avaiable if u could please send a vercation that you reciceved the email”

9.  PERSONAL PROFILE – “I do have convictions (drug offences) which are spent some 30 years ago for when I was 16-18 and have a caution for 4 years ago for criminal damage”

10.  HOBBIES – “Marital Arts” (Possibly meant martial arts?)

11.  KEY SKILLS – “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”

12.  HOBBIES – “Space Travel”

13.  EMAIL ADDRESS – Batfacedgirl@………..

14.  EMPLOYMENT HISTORY –  “Whilst working in this role, I had intercourse with a variety of people”

15.  HOBBIES – “i like playing sport, which i fined gives me a winning appitite for life’”

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16.  KEY SKILLS: “I would like to assure you that I am a hardly working person.”

17.  HOBBIES “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

18.  JOB HISTORY – “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

19.  SKILLS – “Fantastic ability in multi-tasting.”

20.  SIZE OF EMPLOYER: “Very tall, probably over 6’5″.”

21.  SKILLS – “Speak English and Spinach.”

22.  STRENGTHS – “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

23.  SKILLS – “I have technical skills that will simply take your breath away.”

24.  MARITAL STATUS:– “Celibate”

25.  SKILLS – From an IT Engineer, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

26.  EMAIL ADDRESS – hotsexyluv@…….

27.  KEYS SKILLS – keeping family home clean, tidy and hygienaic undertaking basic DIY.operating domestic taskslike cleaning,washing,cooking.dealing with emerengencies smoothly.dealing with health issues,superivsing,supporting,guiding and organising children.

28.  CV GAP – Candidate explained his gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for 3 months!

29.  KEY SKILLS – “But wait…there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.”

30.  PRINTED CV – Candidate sent over their CV printed on the back of their current employers headed company paper

31.  SKILLS“I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”

32.  JOB HISTORY – “Left last four jobs only because the managers were completely unreasonable”

33.  SKILLS – “I am a rabid typist”

34.  HOBBIES – “My interests include cooking dogs and interesting people”

35.  COVERING LETTER – “I am extremely loyal to my current employer….Feel free to ring my office if you are interested in my CV”

36.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

37.  EDUCATION – “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

38.  HOBBIES: “donating blood – 12 litres so far.”

39.  KEY SKILLS: “Quick lerner, good at mats amd speling”

40.  KEY ACHIEVEMENTS – “Oversight of entire department.”

41.  EDUCATION –  “University: August 1890 to May 1993”

42.  WORK EXPERIENCE –“ I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

43.  EMAIL ADDRESS – homeboy@……

44.  KEY SKILLS “I have extensive experience with foreign accents.”

45.  QUALIFICATIONS – “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

46.  COVER LETTER – “Please disregard the attached CV; it’s totally outdated”

47.  REASON FOR LEAVING – “After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

48.  KEY SKILLS – “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

49.  WORK EXPERIENCE – “Night stalker in Tesco”

50.  HOBBIES – “painting my toenails in varying colours”

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Thanks for reading; I hope you found some of these examples entertaining.  If you require any help with your CV, you can download our guide to supercharging your CV here.   

Find a further 50 funniest things we’ve read on a CV in part 2 – here.

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